How can we get away from the negative effects of divorce?
Divorce is a common and alarming issue in human history. Islam considers divorce as an extremely undesirable act. The negative effects of divorce are numerous. Even though it is not forbidden in Islam but Allah extremely dislikes this act therefore it must be avoided if possible.
This issue has touched me personally as I watched my friend suffering from it. Here are some points that will encourage those who are suffering from such a hard time of divorce.
Do not let the negative effects of divorce control you
During this hard process, be in control of yourself. Whenever you feel down, turn towards Allah, He is the one who helps us when we are in trouble. Remember that Allah wants the best for you; your Patience will be rewarded. Put your faith in Allah, He better knows what is good for us. Your smile is your courage and strength; you can help yourself better than anyone else. You just need to restore your confidence and faith in yourself.
Hard time is not permanent
Every problem has a solution and the solution depends on how you deal with your problems. Do not discourage yourself by counting your losses, encourage yourself by admiring your blessings. These hard times are not meant to be with you forever, look forward to better days. Spend most of your time in positive activities and ask Allah in your supplications to brighten your life. Separation does not mean that you cannot find happiness in your life. So, wipe your tears, smile, and go ahead with courage.
Do not degrade your gender
Men and women both suffer equally. Remember man suffers too, but men are not supposed to make offensive suggestions about physical intimacy or the quality of their partner. You never know what she is suffering from, do not break her faith. We are all here to help each other not to make hurdles for each other. Forget about your past and ask Allah to give you endurance and strength.
Do not turn into a bad person
After divorce, doing wrong thing make you a bad person. The way you deal with your problems reflects your inner heart. Justifying your decision shows your lack of strength and guilt. In the future, people will remember your words and what you did hence they will not feel secure with you. Therefore you need to measure yourself before you speak. This hard time is a test from Allah and you will be rewarded on the account of your patience.
Do not reveal the secrets after separation
You are not supposed to reveal the secrets that are shared between you both. Exposing one’s secret is immoral. Do not let down your principles for what your inner evil demands. After
your separation, your emotional defense mechanism will persuade you to reveal secrets. Try to forgive your ex as soon as possible, this act of forgiveness will overcome your anxiety. Though the negative effects of divorce are a life-changing process you are responsible to lift up yourself and start a new life with courage. Alberti says,
“It’s common to sweep these emotions under the table, but you have to work through them or they’ll pollute your life going forward”.
Do not let the negative effects of divorce destroy you. May Allah protect us from a hard time of divorce.
(Written by Sadaf Riaz)