How to show kindness to parents?

Family Contributor
ID 179555103 © Paulus Rusyanto |

Parents have right to be treated kindly and responsibly by their children. Since it is an important duty, Allah has mentioned it very firmly. It is an obligation for every human being to know what constitutes kind treatment or kindness to parents. It is no exaggeration to say that good behavior with parents can ensure a child’s paradise.

We first notice that Islam uses the word “birr” in its treatment of parents. The word means kindness, compassion, generosity, benevolence, and almost every aspect of good and generous treatment towards others. It stems from one of Allah’s own attributes. Allah is the ‘barr’, which means His kindness, mercy, grace and generosity that never fails. Islamic Scholars say that the word encompasses everything that is good.

Islamic Scholars has divided ‘Birr’ into two main branches: financial and non-financial. In the case of parental relationship with the child, if one or both of the parents are poor, then the child has an essential duty to support them.

This is not just a matter of choice. Islam makes it obligatory duty on the children to look after their parents. It is also obligatory to provide them with the same standard of living as they provide for their own children.

Allah is pleased with that child who pleases his / her parents

Why are we talking about kindness to parents? Looking for Allah’s reward, many children spend their parents’ minds to please Allah. But it is also important to note that parents should never waste their child’s money.

The more parents are pleased with their child, the more Allah is pleased with this child. And whoever pleases Allah, He removes all his worries and anxieties and guides him to the path of success. When parents pray for their children, Allah must accept them.

Therefore, it is the duty of the child to help the parents financially when they are not able to function. And not to consider it as a burden on themselves, but as a responsibility placed on them.

In addition to financial support, children must show respect and dignity to their parents. At any social event and even on the street when going out with the parents, the child should not walk in front of the parents but be humble behind them or walk with them. Children should give priority to their parents in all matters.

Treatment towards parents

In Muslim societies, that sort of treatment which parents teach their children always earns children more respect. Muslim societies look down on anyone who do not extend to their parents the standard of honorable treatment expected from children.

Moreover, children are expected to do as their parents tell or teach them. From the Islamic point of view, this does not apply only when children are young. As long as a child is able to grant the wishes of his / her parents, and by doing so they neither incur any sin, nor jeopardize any greater interest, then they should do so as if these wishes of their parents were commands. There is nothing excessive in this. It does not impose a heavy burden.

In addition, children will behave as they have seen or learned from their parents. Therefore, from the Islamic point of view, it is also an important responsibility of parents to teach their children proper manners.

How to make parents happy

In general, it is very easy to make parents happy. However, some parents may be unreasonable in their demands or actions, especially when they live in the same house with their son. The relationship between his wife and mother can sometimes get a little worse. A mother may feel that her daughter-in-law is pushing her son away from her. This may cause conflict and hassle between the two.

What does it mean to show kindness to parents? An intelligent son tries to protect his mother’s rights with his wife’s rights. He must not treat anyone unfairly. If his mother asks his wife to divorce him, he should not do so if his wife has properly performed her duties towards him and his mother. In this case, a daughter-in-law should continue to treat her mother-in-law well.

A child should always remember how much his parents have sacrificed for him. It is not uncommon for parents to become so ill that they need to be cared for like little children.

Abdullah bin Umar (R) narrated that, One day he saw a man who was circumambulating his mother on his shoulders and his face was smiling instead of any anger. The man looked at Ibn Umar and asked, “Did I pay off my mother’s debt with this?” Then Ibn Umar (R) replied, “No, you have not been able to repay the debt equal to half of your mother’s labor pains when she gave birth to you.” (Imam Bukhari in Al-Adab Al-Mufrad and authenticated by Sheikh Albani)

This statement of Ibn Umar (R) was not exaggerated. It is also supported by the sayings of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him).He said, “No child can repay a parent’s debt even if he buys a slave and frees him.” (Bukhari)