How to solve behavioural problems in kids?
Latifa is very much loud and stubborn. Moreover, she argues with her parents in front of everyone. Whenever Amna takes her five-year-old daughter Ishrat out to a friend’s place, she remains alert. As Ishrat can take anything from that house without asking permission. Honestly, these are a few of the long-listed behavioural problems of our kids we face every day.
Children can bring joy and sadness both in our lives. The triumphs and tribulations of life are like examinations, and our kids are no exception. Allah in his wisdom never leaves us alone and helps us to face these trials.
“Your wealth and your children are only a trial, whereas God, with Him, is a great reward .” [Qur’an 64:15]
What is normal behaviour?
Actually, there is no definition of what normal behaviour can be. It totally depends on a kid’s age, emotional growth and upbringing environment. Generally, if a child behaves in a way which is socially and culturally appropriate, then it is called normal behaviour. If this balance disrupts, well, you should talk to your child to see what’s bothering him. That is what we call behavioural problems. Minor abnormal behaves can be corrected by behaviour therapy and change in parenting.
5 common behavioural problems in children:
1. Disrespect and arguments:
When your 3-year-old child argue you may find it funny. But when your eight-year-old kid back talks to you every time, it can be problematic. If your children respond threateningly then you need to pay attention to their words. Do not talk back impulsively. Let the kid calm down and then ask why he or she said that. Tell them gently what behaviour is acceptable. If these methods don’t work, set some boundaries. For example, tell them if they don’t stop arguing, you will not talk to them.
2. Abusive and Curse words:
If your children start swearing you should be worried. They may start using curse words simply to get their way. Here is what you should do, Make sure you are not using curse words in front of them. Have zero tolerance for curse words and abuse at home. So, if they use such words, set some consequences. Explain those to your kids clearly and ensure they are in place. Grounding is a very good step to get rid of the practice of using abusive words.
It is okay if your kids get angry at times. But if it becomes violent and aggressive, you must take some steps. Mood disorders, conduct disorders, insecurities, impulsive behaviours can cause aggression in young kids. What you have to do is empathize, but make it clear that aggression is not allowed. Tell them what the consequences would be if they don’t listen to you. Give them al alternative. Teach them that they can simply express their feelings by words like ‘I am angry’ when they are unhappy.
4. Lying and manipulation:
Accept it, children do lie. You may feel hurt, but that won’t solve the problem. Also, manipulation is a tiring behave to handle. Kids lie or cry to get what they want. Here is what you can do to prevent your kid from lying.
Do not take it personally, instead try to figure out what made him lie. You have to be a role model to show them that lying does not help. Children may lie when they are scared that the truth will have negative effects. Appreciate the positive rather than punishing the negative behaviours to get rid of that fear. Also, have consequences for compulsive lying.
For manipulation, Make it clear that ‘no’ means no. You can give them a brief explanation, but don’t get into justifying it. But always open yourself for a healthy discussion, don’t shut off your child.
Do your kid always suffers from lack of motivation? He or she is lazy and finds an excuse for not doing anything? Fear not, here is how you can help. Don’t get agitated or anxious, instead, encourage them always. Tell them your childhood stories to inspire. Do not force your children to take up a hobby, provide them with the options and let them choose. Also, try to find ways to get your child motivated on their own.
Behavioural problems can be tricky at times. But remember, before you mark your kid as bad, try understanding the root cause. With the right approach almost every problem can be solved. Be a friend to your child and he will be forever grateful to you.
When your children reach their prime age, they will be grateful and pray,
“ O Allah, Inspire me to ˹always˺ be thankful for Your favours which You blessed me and my parents with, and to do good deeds that please You. And instil righteousness in my offspring. I truly repent to You, and I truly submit ˹to Your Will˺.” [Quran 46:15]