Issues in family life: Find comfort in remembering that
Sometimes we may encounter issues within our families and it can be difficult to detach from worrying excessively. It is reassuring for us to realise that our problems in our family are not matters for us to take personally, as even family problems are part of the test of this life. We read in the Holy Qur’an:
“[He] who created death and life to test you [as to] which of you is best in deed – and He is the Exalted in Might, the Forgiving.” (Qur’an 67:2)
We may understand that many other things are a test for us, such as when we are told that certain foods are halal and others are haram – we actively make the choice in that test to choose halal food. Other tests in this life may not be as clear-cut as this, but of course the tests that are more difficult for us provide us with opportunities to gain greater rewards, as indeed they require us to bear a higher level of patience and put in more thought.
Each person responds differently to each test. For example, a person may find it easier than others to be productive with their time, but that same person could be struggling with structuring time in their day to recite more of the Qur’an. Everyone faces different struggles – only Allah knows what each person is facing and what they will find straightforward or complicated, that is why we each have different tests.
In the same way, some people may find it easier to dismiss or ignore problems they feel are being caused by other people within their family, while others may struggle more with his.
There are countless factors that could influence how a person deals with issues with family members, as each person is on their own individual journey in this life. Some people have become accustomed to dealing with such issues, while for others it may be something that have never had to manage before and instead they have had other hardships.
Whatever the reason may be, people deal with their problems in different ways and respond to situations based on their individual thoughts. Sometimes we may expect others to understand our point of view and at times this may be successful, but sometimes it will not be as simple as that. It is precisely in those complicated situations that we can free ourselves of taking anything personally, as our faith teaches us that there is a reason for everything that happens in our lives. We may not realise the reason right away, or ever, but indeed Allah is the Best of Planners. We read in the Holy Qur’an:
“But they plan, and Allah plans. And Allah is the best of planners.” (Qur’an 8:30)
Whenever we face any issues with family members, whilst trying to find a way to sort out the problem as well as making du’aa to seek Allah’s guidance, we find comfort in knowing that the issue we are facing is just a part of our test. We are tested to see what our response will be to the situation. This pushes us to really reflect and develop our focus on Allah, as we work on ensuring that our Niyyah (intention) in every situation is only to please our Lord – not for any other worldly outcome, such as pleasing others or proving them wrong. Allah says in the Holy Qur’an:
“And I did not create the jinn and mankind except to worship Me.” (Qur’an 51:56)
Becoming engrossed in trying to convince people of their wrongs not only risks us falling into arrogance, but it could also lead us to lose sight of our purpose in this life. We are not perfect, neither is anybody else, and neither is it our sole responsibility to correct their actions. We advise and help others where we can, but ultimately, we are each accountable to Allah for our own actions. Our actions are a reflection of ourselves, and the actions of others are a reflection of themselves. We read in the Holy Qur’an:
“Whoever is guided is only guided for [the benefit of] his soul. And whoever errs only errs against it. And no bearer of burdens will bear the burden of another.” (Qur’an 17:15)
May Allah grant patience and strength to those who are struggling in any way, and may He make their efforts to do good a means for them to enter Jannah. Aameen. Indeed, Allah is Al-Adl (The Just).