Looking for the perfect spouse? Nurture these thoughts
It is a universal truth that every young single Muslim is always in search of a spouse, in spite of not being in control of any fortune.
However, those who are not prepared are pushed out into the modern Muslim matching world. These people are always in search of a perfect and high-quality partner, but very few people are having the skills to find one. They are left alone to learn from trials and errors after they suffer a lot in their life.
Here we are having a few principles that will make this journey a little easier.
Work on yourself
You are known by what you are not by what you want. People usually want the best in others but they do not consider their own deficiencies. You need to work on your flaws. We must work on our deficiencies like anger, selfishness, lust, stubbornness, fears, jealously, and dishonesty. In case, if you feel you are emotionally unstable so get help from mental health professionals. The sooner you realize your shortcomings the better off you will be.
Maintain good mental health throughout the process
Finding a spouse can affect you negatively if the process is not in a healthy fashion. This process holds many factors that might be out of your control, so you need to be mentally prepared for every worse situation.
Some signs of poor mental health are sleep deprivation, anxiety, depression, panic attack, and difficulty in decision-making. If you get stuck in any worse situation you can get help from counselors.
Adopt a mindset of giving
Always try to offer what you have instead of worrying about what you want. Build a healthy companionship and give without expectations. Be a giver and see how you are attracted by the right person. No one is perfect; you might not find someone with all qualities that you want.
You are a confident person if you implement the first point on yourself.
Living in a capitalist society, we have the bad habit of selecting people as we are going to buy a new product in the market. But unfortunately, human hearts are not supposed to be picked out the way we choose branded products in the market. The mindset of perfection compels us on overthinking. Factors like finding someone beautiful, admiring their kindness and character, finding reciprocity in your interaction can make you feel good.
Work to bridge religious difference
Everyone has their own point of view about spouses and religious observance. Trying to find someone at the exact same level is foolishness. Some people might be more liberal and some might be more conservative like you. We must be open-minded and flexible in dealing with such differences. We are unaware of someone’s heart so be very careful when making a judgment about them. Do not let go of people just because they do not have the exact flavor of a religious point of view as you have. Good people are hard to find.
Do not pry about someone else and do not expose your past
If you have an unpleasant past and that is not a concern with your future relationship, you are not supposed to expose yourself. Revealing your sins to someone else is prohibited – even in the case of marriage. This consequence is summarized by Shaykh Nuh Keller as:
“In Islam, to mention a sin is itself a sin. How many a person has been unable to resist telling a friend or a spouse of the wickedness they did in their previous life, and Allah punished them with disgust and contempt in the other’s heart that could never quite be forgotten! There is no barakah in the Haram.”
Similarly, we must not try to pry someone else’s past and dig up details on their mishaps. The Holy Prophet (PBUH) told us, “Beware of suspicious for it is the most deceitful of thought. Do not desert (cut your relation with) one another, and do not hate one another; Rather, be servants of God as brothers.”
Istikhara is not a solution for indecisiveness
The prayer of Istikhara or of seeking guidance is referred to by those considering marriage. Many of us are deprived of decision-making power due to fear of making the wrong decision. We wish someone else to make a better decision for us. We hope for a miracle and divine sign to happen that will inform us of the right person.
Decision-making is an important life skill that must be learned.
(Written by freelancer Sadaf Riaz)