Nurturing Perceptiveness in Marriage
Allah says about marriage in the Holy Qur’an:
“And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in peace and tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): Verily in that are signs for those who reflect.” (Qur’an 30:21).
As Muslims, we must remember that perceptiveness in marriage is vital. We should have an understanding attitude and approach throughout hardships that may arise, and see them as opportunities for us to be rewarded by our Lord. When we struggle we must remember that Allah is with us all the time. We read in the Holy Qur’an:
“[Allah] said, “Fear not. Indeed, I am with you both; I hear and I see.” (Qur’an 20:46)
We should try to remember that the concept of compromise in marriage is very significant. Compromise will help us on our way to settling problems that may arise, as we intend to be more flexible in our approach. Some issues may be small but could be prone to cause friction if we are stubborn or less willing to adapt. We have the Niyyah (intention) in mind to put in our best efforts, reminding ourselves that Allah knows our Niyyah.
We must remind ourselves to be patient. By having patience, we will be aided in situations that may normally get out of hand if we had the wrong approach or a pessimistic mentality. Patience is a quality that is a very important part of Islam. We read in a hadith:
“How wonderful is the case of a believer; there is good for him in everything and this applies only to a believer. If prosperity attends him, he expresses gratitude to Allah and that is good for him; and if adversity befalls him, he endures it patiently and that is better for him.” (Muslim)
We ought to keep in mind that if we face a hardship we must obviously do what we can to help and protect ourselves, but we should remember that Allah knows what we are going through. He is the Ultimate Source of Help. Through having this attitude, we will be assisting ourselves to have the correct mindset and seek Allah’s help by making du’aa and praying to Him sincerely.
We must not forget that nothing in this life was created by Allah to be perfect. Perfection only exists in Jannah (Paradise). Therefore, it is important for us not to overlook the fact that not everyone around us will behave exactly and precisely in the way we want, in every second, of every day. That kind of approach will only bring us sorrow as no one in this world was created by Allah to be perfect – every human makes mistakes.
For those of us who are not married, although we should intend to get married as it is a blessing from our Lord, our focus should not always be on marriage. Marriage is a means, but it is not the end. The end is the eternal life of the Aakhirah (Hereafter). Marriage is a means for us to please Allah, but obviously it is not the only means.
There are so many other ways in which we can be earning the rewards of our Creator in the part of our life that is before marriage, such as continuing to further our knowledge of Islam, engaging in worship, helping our families and communities, and working so that we can give to charity and help others.